Today, like everyday for the past few months, I got up, took pain meds, got in my wheelchair, then got on my Xbox 360 to play Skyrim. I don’t know whats been with me lately, I have so much planned for the future, but inside I just want to sit and escape into my games. I own a mod that is being created for the game Minecraft, the mods name is MythiCraft, and just the idea of it has sent it to the top of the list of best mods to date. For the past 2 weeks I have just sat at my game, doing nothing but running in circles, though there is something in the back of my head telling me to get on my computer and take responsibility for running the mod. Life feels so dull lately, theirs nothing in it to keep me going, to keep me WANTING to stay, its like everything has lost interest. About an hour ago me and my sister Zoe sat and listened to some of our favorite songs on YouTube, and we both got to talking, we listened to one of our favorite songs, about a man who would do anything for his daughter, and we realized we would both do anything for our littlest sister, Piper. we talked some more about how we want to protect her, make sure shes taken care of no matter what happens. and I realized deep down im that brother who overhears about my little brother getting beaten up at school by a bully, then goes to that school and kicks the crap out of the bully just for hurting him. And then I realized another thing, I can’t, I can’t protect any of my siblings, no matter what happens to them I have to just sit back and watch, what hurts the most is when I tell my friend of a jerk who picked on me for being in a wheelchair, my little brother goes and protects me from him. I want to help them all so much, I want to make sure they are safe, to be that cool bigger brother who kicks the crap out of a bully, but I wont, I have to watch as they protect me. I feel like im nothing to them, i mean half the time im a complete jerk to them, yelling at them, teasing, being the bully i would do anything to protect them from. I fell like I’ve failed them all.
March 29, 2012
Being a brother…
Well... to start, I'm a 17 year old kid/young adult who has lived with systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis, also known as stills disease, since I was 3 years old. My life is confined to the living rolling hell of a half-running wheelchair, a normal day for me would be, get up at around 12:00 pm, have someone put me in wheelchair, go to computer, take 8 pills (not exaggerating), do either art or play flash games on computer, take 5 more pills, watch sisters come home from school at 3:30 pm, look at e-mail or deviantart, take 3 pills, do random crap, eat diner, take 8 pills, get back on computer, take 2 pills, stay up till 4 or 5:00 in the morning, wake up mom, mom puts me in bed...repeat... So, as you can see, my like f'ing sucks right now... I feel alone, and on top of it all I have FOUR sisters ranging from 18 years old, to 2...and have 2 step brothers who barely come over, my biological fathers..... dead to me, and my mother just broke up with my step dad...I'm going to blog every night about each day... I hope some one out there can help me... help me not feel so alone in this ever crushing world... View all posts by neonscorpion
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