Pain, your body telling you your done….

Λ- 11/17/2011 -Ω

Pain, your body telling you your done….

today i woke up and got ready for my Thursdays work at my grandmothers clinic.  the moment the light in my room is on and my dreams cease i strikes me, like a thousand needles and sharp objects jabbing me in every place i move.  Pain, but today not the normal amount, today just moving my fingers or toes hurt immensely.  I fight it, masking it with as many pain meds i could take without inducing a coma.  on the ride over to my grandmas, every bump on the road, no matter big or small, sends shocks of pain through my entire body.   i sit there listening to NPR about a girl raised in Africa escaping the genocides, and hold back the tears, i am not much of a complainer, if i hurt i wait until it is unbearable before shedding a  single tear.  my mother apparently sees the pain in my face, and as we pass by a Sam’s Club i mention the wonderful four-berry-sundaes’ they serve there, she looks at me and tells me that she will pick her an I up one on the way back home, it would be our secret.  i get to “class” and like everyday eat the biscuits and gravy my grandmother gets me,  the meds barely take the small pains away, so i decide to rest, one technique i learned to escape pain. i rest for a good hour, waking to chili tots from sonic and a banana milkshake, my favorite drink!  today in class all i do is take a math pre test once again to see what i don’t know, or what he haven’t studied, but as the day goes on my meds wear off and the pain grows exponentially.  soon tears flood my face and i try to hide them from everyone.  i sit waiting for my mom to pick me up, and for the sundae.  my mom arives and runs in, saying we must go because Zoe has a choir performance and we have to go to a 50th anniversary celebration.  i freak, i was expecting to get home, eat my treat, then pass out.  i find myself in my moms car running around to pick up my family, in a hour the whole family is ready to go and Zoe decides to go instead of doing her musical.  it takes us another 30 or 45 minutes of massive pain,  just to use crappy directions to get to the party.  we arrive and i sit at one of the fold out tables filled with people i have never met. by the expresions on there face i can tell the assumptions the draw about my just on looks.  i have Zoe get some food for me and what i already knew the people were thinking was confered when a man said, “heeelllllooooo…..myyy nnaaaammmmee… isss (forgot), niiccceee to meeeet yoooouuuuu!” he grins as he tries to slow his speech for me to understand.  I look at the man and say, “im doing quite fine sir, and you?” with a slight bite of annoyance in my tone. in a moment the people at the tables expressions change, and i can tell they are happy that i am not, “special.”  i sit at the table with me head in my arms, trying to distract myself as the pain gets worse.  I slowly get pissed as we take the ride home, knowing that i won’t get my sundae, and that all the pain i have gone through just for it is a waist.  i get home and pop 3 morphine pills and come to my computer, now i am typing this, with the movie “The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” playing in the background. i stop to watch my movie after this, but wish i had the strength to write more of my book “Last Child.”

A.P.T.: Average Pain Today

1 being none at all, 5 being normal, 10 being horrendously unbelievable pain

   1       2       3        4       5       6        7       8       9       10

|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|–|

 

– Jonathan Forrest Jagger

Advertisements

About neonscorpion

Well... to start, I'm a 17 year old kid/young adult who has lived with systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis, also known as stills disease, since I was 3 years old. My life is confined to the living rolling hell of a half-running wheelchair, a normal day for me would be, get up at around 12:00 pm, have someone put me in wheelchair, go to computer, take 8 pills (not exaggerating), do either art or play flash games on computer, take 5 more pills, watch sisters come home from school at 3:30 pm, look at e-mail or deviantart, take 3 pills, do random crap, eat diner, take 8 pills, get back on computer, take 2 pills, stay up till 4 or 5:00 in the morning, wake up mom, mom puts me in bed...repeat... So, as you can see, my like f'ing sucks right now... I feel alone, and on top of it all I have FOUR sisters ranging from 18 years old, to 2...and have 2 step brothers who barely come over, my biological fathers..... dead to me, and my mother just broke up with my step dad...I'm going to blog every night about each day... I hope some one out there can help me... help me not feel so alone in this ever crushing world... View all posts by neonscorpion

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: